With our patented Anal Recognition System (ARS), we scan your behind to forge ahead into whole new areas of data security.
Nothing is worse for your image than a public leak. We keep your information sealed tightly with our Anal Retention Database.
The rectum is a concealed identifier — no more relying on risky public-facing biometrics like fingerprints and retinas.
In a real-world example from the hit television series Billions, an unsavory character is able to lift a distinguished businessman's fingerprint, make a mold of the print, and open the man's biometric safe within seconds.
This incident clearly demonstrates the perils of relying upon publicly accessible biomarkers such as fingerprints.
Stay tuned to Billions for more cutting-edge updates on the latest advances in data security.
There have understandably been questions about the validity of BHS's anal identification protocols, especially given that these systems involve incredibly sensitive and personal data streams.
But concerned scan-ees can take a deep breath and relax.
As this peer-reviewed study conducted by Stanford scientists has demonstrated, individuals may be identified by the distinctive features of their anoderm (the epithelial lining of the anal canal located inferiorly to the dentate line), confirming the reliability of our patented ARS identification technology.
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